Problem solved – stop the bullying

My manager is making my life a nightmare. There’s no HR department to talk to, and I don’t want to leave while I’m still studying. How can I stop the bullying?

First things first: you are not alone, nor are you powerless. Bullying is more widespread than most people realise. Verbal or physical abuse, unfair pressure, undermining of confidence, and public humiliation are just a few experiences that victims suffer.

No one should be forced to waste energy on coping with bullies, but you have to think carefully about how to act. Take into account factors such as how supportive senior management is likely to be (probably more than you might imagine), and the suspected reasons behind the bullying. Simple steps include keeping a diary of each incident, including names of witnesses. Keep any written evidence, such as e-mails or notes. If your manager has access to your e-mail or computer files, keep hard copies of all documentation, ideally at home. In written communications with your manager, copy other people in – this makes it more difficult for your manager to reply solely to you.

The fact that you’re studying is likely to make the effects of bullying worse, and you don’t need more pressure. It may be tempting to delay dealing with the situation – this depends on how close your exams are, the number of papers you are sitting, or the intensity of your suffering. Only you can make this decision, but it is something you can discuss with a counsellor, who will be able to judge how long it might take to resolve the situation, based on past experience.

Should you decide that it’s best to resign and make a new start elsewhere, you may feel resentful that the bully has been left unpunished. Don’t. Bullies will always get their ‘just rewards’ – either through being unhappy or unfulfilled, or eventually by being exposed for what they are. Don’t squander emotional resources on revenge. Life is too short.

"Bullying is more widespread than most people realise. Verbal or physical abuse, unfair pressure, undermining of confidence, and public humiliation are just a few experiences that victims suffer"